19 05 2009

Re-venge [ri-venj], noun

1. the act of revenging; retaliation for injuries or wrongs; vengeance.

“Remember when the spaghetti we had tasted funny. Remember when you thought you tweaked a nerve in your mouth because your mouth was all numb each morning. While you were rubbing it in that you had been hired for your dream job to your concurrent boyfriend, I heard you mention your mandatory drug test. I mixed three whole grams of cocaine into your toothpaste. I also put about an eighth of marijuana into our spaghetti. I know you called all your friends and family over the course of five days to rub it in that you found your dream job; paid summer travel, great salary, great benefits, they were even going to pay for grad school. I know you sold me your truck because you wanted to rub it in that they were giving you a company truck. I know you spent most of the money from the truck celebrating your new job in Homer with your “new” boyfriend last weekend. I know you quit your current job because you were starting the new one in two weeks. I know you own the house, but I pay the mortgage because your old dead end job didn’t pay enough. I also know you cheated on me in the house we share. I know you lied when you told me you had cheated and said it was a one time deal. I know you used the condoms I bought. I know you still do, I poked holes in them. I also completely moved out while you were in Homer. I guess the cool thing about paying your mortgage was you never made me sign a lease. I am not going to sell your truck back to you; I’m not going to sell you back any of the furniture I bought. I know you are very confused why I disappeared thinking I had no idea you had been cheating for a while. I know they filled your old job because you told me blubbering and crying in the message you left me about how you miserably failed the drug test and lost your new job after one hour on the job, and you can’t get your old one back. I was going to ask you to marry me in June. Fuck you whore, have fun with foreclosure.”

College Humor Roommate Confessions



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