ShamWow Guy Gets Arrested/SlapChopped

27 03 2009

sham1

Haha look at this fucking guy…via Smoking Gun:

“Meet Vince Shlomi. He’s probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room.”

I guarantee this whole thing started with that “You’re gonna love my nuts” line…

0327092sham2





Boston Big Picture: Mexico’s Drug War

25 03 2009

m01_18278585

This shit is fucking crazy… click the cheerful picture for the full set.





Diver Fights 12ft. Tiger Shark For 2 Hours, Wins

12 03 2009

id-vs-12ftts

Via DailyMail:

“Plunging a knife in again and again, diver Craig Clasen grapples with a 12ft tiger shark to protect a friend.

For two hours he wrestled with the giant, spearing it seven times, even drowning the beast before eventually finishing it off with a knife.

Mr Clasen was hunting yellow fin tuna with fellow fisherman Cameron Kirkconnell, photographer D.J Struntz and film maker Ryan McInnis in the Gulf of Mexico when the encounter took place.”

Who needs a fucking weight belt when you’ve got big ol’ brass ones like this guy.  Some of his more badass quotes from the article:

“The shark made a roll and looked like it was going to charge us so I just went ahead and took the conservative route and put a shaft through its gills.”

“I didn’t want it to go on any longer than it had to. I shot the fish like I would do any other fish and worked it up closer and did my best to kill it as humanely as possible.”

“In the end we had put a knife its skull once I got lose enough to it and use a long blade knife even after trying to drown it.”

Notice how none of the quotes showed any concern for his own safety, just the task at hand of KILLING A TIGER SHARK UNDERWATER.  “Yeah I just had to kill this shark, no big whoop.”  This is hero shit right here.

More pictures and the full article here.





This Might Be The Best Story Ever

2 03 2009

Bret Stieghorst, excessively loud porn viewer and avid masturbator, was attacked by his neighbor…who was wielding a sword…to save a woman the neighbor thought was being raped.

How could you even give this interview?  The absolute last thing I want to be interviewed for to be displayed on the nightly news would be that I watch porn at loud enough volumes that it actually sounds like the shrieks of  a woman actually being raped in my apartment.  So loud, in fact, that it comes to the point where my neighbor thinks “It’s fucking hero time, where’s my sword?” and busts in the door like He-Man to save the potential rape victim.  The only way this could have been more awkward is if they made eye-contact right when he came through the door, sword/penis in hand.

Via Nextround.





I Want To Fight/Be Nick Douglas

26 02 2009

Mother fucker.

twitter

Via Gawker:

“HarperCollins is paying Nick Douglas a five-figure sum for Twitter Wit, a book of the Gawker alum’s favorite Twitter posts.

Douglas insists the work is backbreaking — “reading a thousand jokes is like watching five hours of porn” — but he’s already automated the process of collecting submissions and permissions. Those who make it into the book get no royalties, but a free copy of the work ensures they at least won’t have to pay to see their own content in printed format.”

With Twitter being on the rise as much as it is nowadays, I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t think of this shit.  Not only is Douglas getting paid to make a book OF OTHER PEOPLE’S Twitter activities (I’m not calling them “Tweets”, fuck you) he doesn’t even have to find it.  He’s automated the whole thing.  I’m not sure if this guy is super lazy and lucky or a diabolical genius, either way I’m gonna rob him if I ever meet him.





Single

24 02 2009

megan-fox-fhm-3

That dude from the original 90210 who doesn’t deserve Megan Fox and Megan Fox have broken up, according to a story that appears to be the last glimmer of hope that God still loves America. Via Us Magazine:

“The relationship had run its course,” an insider tells Us exclusively. “It’s completely amicable, and they are remaining friends.”
Fox, 22 (who’ll reprise her role as Mikaela in this June’s sequel Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), and Green, 35 (a regular on Fox’s Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles), now “are both focusing on their careers,” the source adds.

Finally….something to counter these “ecomony is in the shitter” and “war in Gaza” stories we’ve been hearing about a lot lately.  I’d say this about evens things out…and now men everywhere can live happily ever after knowing she’s no longer in the clutches of that d-bag. It’s like Disney’s writing real life now…





Jenny McCarthy Is Gettin Paaaid…Maybe

18 02 2009

jenny_mccarthy-12

Via Moondog Sports:

“Jim Carrey has vowed to give his longtime girlfriend Jenny McCarthy a financially secure future – after reportedly setting up a $50 million trust fund for the actress despite insisting they will never marry.

Carrey has earned an estimated $200 million with his blockbuster comedies – and is desperate to make sure McCarthy is set for life.

A source tells Star magazine, “He adores her and credits her with his better health and happier outlook on life. (He) wants her to have all the perks in life should anything happen to him.”

I suppose some sort of payment was in order.  It’s got to be awkward being that hot and having sex with a man who gives his penis cartoon voices and twists it into balloon animals and shit.

Then again this is Star Magazine reporting so he probably really promised her a new pair of running shoes or something else they could blow out of proportion.